Losses
by glomp-meister
Summary: In the span of a day, Hibari Kyouya lost many things. Things that one would consider to be important...CRACK PAIRING! !X18!


DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN!!! But... I suppose this crack pairing isn't gonna last very long, is it?

Over the years Hibari Kyouya had grown into a more patient man as one could say, though his violent nature still remained, he had become less susceptible to the tempting of a good fight. So imagine his absolute horror when that soon-to-be-bitten-to-death baby shot a certain bullet into the one, the only, Monkey King. For once in his fifteen years of living, Hibari Kyouya felt scared. There was a breathless sensation running through his veins, one so different from the usual adrenaline rush, something so ice cold ran though him. Numbing his senses. He had an admirer. No, it was not his normal fan that wrote him letters and sent pictures of him out on his daily walks. No, it was not that simple. A grown man or twenty-four was standing outside the school, backed up by five equally crazy idiots and a heap of useless metal that he had defeated already. And that was not all. He was not only singing a ballad from the old times and dressed as a hippie with peace signs hanging from every part of his body, he, Xanxus, the man with two Xs in his name was grinding up on a transportable pole. And around the Monkey King? Metal and Five well known assassins were doing some kind of dirty dancing. Prince was changing a bath towel into something much more… suitable at a bachelor's party, Old Man Levi was stripping, the horror. Lussaria was trying to tango with the Gola Mosca 2.0, and Mammon was filming, for blackmail and all the Belphegor fans out there. And Squalo? He was… DJing.

"Baby, what did you do them?" steel-gray eyes burned into the arcobaleno's large ones.

"Oh that?" he feigned innocence, waving absentmindedly at the Varia Hippies, "I wanted to try out Leon's new bullet. Tsuna wasn't here, so Xanxus and them would have to do. I call it the Love Love Bullet."

Kyouya resisted the sudden urge to vomit after hearing the name of the newly made bullet, "How. Long. Will. This. Last… Baby."

"It's the first try, I don't know, why don't you entertain the Varia for a day?"

"There is no wa-" too late, the baby left.

And that was how there ended up to be three bulky men, a womanly man, a blonde, and another baby in the reception room. The Mosca was left outside. Hibari shivered, not a very good sign for a 'carnivore.'

"Hey, Kid." for once, the shark was not screaming slash yelling slash bellowing slash growling, "Marry our good-for-nothing-Boss."

"And why should I agree to that?" was the prefect's quick and calm answer.

"Ushishishi. Obviously he doesn't know of our Boss's impeccable temper."

"Yare yare. Xanxus is sure to stop shooting his Flames of Wrath and throwing wine glasses filled with the best hard whiskey at us." Mammon took a look at Levi, still mourning for the painfully obvious rejection-to-be from his Boss. But hey, a man can dream right?

"At least you only have the whiskey," Squalo muttered, "I get the amazing acid like burning grappa..." he paused for the second time in his sentence, just to take a miniscule gulp of his virgin appletini, "Which for your information, is thrown in combination with a bottle of open lemon juice."

"Ah. And for that reason, you expect me to get married and possibly even return the feelings of that Monkey King?"

Lussaria sighed, "You don't have to return his feelings, but just for the day, can't you humor him?"

"I-" he could not even finish before a voice interrupted him.

"I'll fight you."

"Alright. If Baby is going to fight me, I suppose fooling around with a man in his mid-thirties isn't that bad." giving one last smirk, he walked into what was sure to be his doom.

And it was very much so.

Within the day, Hibari Kyouya had lost many things.

Many, many things that one would consider to be important.

He was first submitted to a near death experience from Xanxus's favorite lackey, Levi A. Than. In other words, the man rushed towards him with an umbrella in hand and was wearing a larger form of his current uniform like suit. It did not help at all that the Monkey was hugging him so fiercely that it was near impossible to dodge. The first thing that Hibari Kyouya lost was his blood circulation.

Hibari, being the Hibari Kyouya, the tenth Vongola Cloud Guardian woke up from lack of circulation within the fifteen minutes that he was knocked out. Secondly, Hibari was subjected to immediate CPR when forced into swimming trunks and onto the beach. The leader of the herbivore pack had to successfully knock him out and being oh-so-smart, threw him into the ocean thinking he was going to wake up. Fortunately, he did. After fifteen minutes of being in the water. And yes, a regular human drowns in approximately five minutes, but Hibari Kyouya breathes every minute and takes very shallow breaths. Therefore, he did not drown but did get some water in his lungs. The second thing that the prefect lost? His first kiss, the one he was planning on giving to Chrome as soon as Mukuro was unable to possess her.

The third and last item that Hibari Kyouya lost was something that he was very much well known for, his pride. As is having a fully grown man in his mid-thirties administer CPR and having an even older man ram him into a concussion was not enough, the leader of the Varia said that a memory photo was in order.

"Do I really have to do this?" Hibari sighed, brow knitted in annoyance.

"VOIII I THOUGHT THAT YOU WEREN'T THE WHINY TYPE, WE'VE GOT ENOUGH OF THAT FROM THE BLOND IDIOT!" the shark screeched.

Hibari cringed for a second before shrugging Squalo off, "You sound like a woman. Only a herbivore backs down from their promises," he paused, "And I can assure you that I am definitely not a herbivore."

"Ushishishishi. Say cheese."

Snap.

Hibari hardly had time to react as the red-eyed man pulled him into an embrace, lips locking.

Three weeks after this incident, Kusakabe and others, including the Sakura trio in which 'his' (soon-to-be) Chrome was not included, were still laughing every time they saw him. It did not help that the sword herbivore posted it on his Facebook page and the vile cancer stick vegetarian was twitting non-stop. Needless to say, they were going down.

And Xanxus? He was just fine…

After twenty whores, four strippers, seven nights, and a bottle of perfectly made Italian grappa. Yes, that is correct. A full bottle, it is truly a wonder that he did not die of alcohol poisoning.

Owari!

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Pyon! I'm glad, I broke last time's record for English! Twenty minutes to think and type! : D please review!


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